WHY AM I AWAKE?

Drinking right now: water with lemon juice.

Because I've been looking for bulk flour (I'm tired enough that I spelled that "flower" just now) online for the last few hours.

I've been going through about 20 lbs of flour a month, which seems crazy. That's also just bread flour--I keep all-purpose flour around for non-bread items, but we use only 5 lbs every couple of months.

I'm trying to find a balance of quality and price. I've found two brands that are highly praised, but one would save us only $2 for every 50 lbs, and the other...while much cheaper to buy straight from the farm, I have no idea of the shipping cost for a minimum ($50) order.

Oh, I made an account so I could check. Excuse me while my head explodes.

I have a feeling this will be a worthwhile search, but it may take some physical trips to nearby bulk stores. I hear that I may be able to find bulk King Arthur Flour at BJs or Sam's Club, but I don't know that the savings would offset having to buy a membership. That will take planning and looking for other items I could buy in bulk there.

Which Brings Me To This Point...

I know we eat a lot of bread. You have to be noticing. It was so easy at first, because the children refused to eat the store-bought bread entirely. I never had to feed them bread; they would pick entirely around it! Once I began baking all of our bread, it starting disappearing--faster, and faster, and faster.

I came downstairs this morning to find Razi at the pantry with the peanut butter and bread out, looking for the bread knife!

Someone even mentioned to me this week how horrible bread is for you, and that we shouldn't eat so much. The thing is, a lot of what people say is a lie--they're trying to sell you a diet plan that will ultimately not work. Yes, you will lose weight if you don't eat bread. You know what else will make you lose weight? Not eating at all.

The problem with the diet plans that hinge on excluding food items is you can either never go off the plan, or you gain it all back with interest once you're eating like a normal person again.

Obviously, I'm not a fan of fad diets. I'm not a fan of working out either, but I won't step on your toes for that one because that's my laziness issue. But when someone says to me they're on a low-carb diet, most of the time the conversation turns to how fatigued they are. It's kind of a "You think?" situation.

Or as my husband and his brother said in loud unison four times in the movie theater during a film one night, "No sh*t, Sherlock!" Oh no, of course I wasn't embarrassed, why do you ask?

I did Weight Watchers for awhile last year, and it was great. Actually, the only reason I quit is that "no discipline" thing I keep bringing up; I got lazy. Even I can make only so many lists. But I learned from that. I didn't stop eating things, I starting eating more actually--as in a broader selection, but in smaller portions. I've actually maintained the weight I left Weight Watchers with last year, and with no effort on my part.

It's just all about moderation. Calories in, calories out and all that jazz.

I think I would have lost so much more weight if I had been determined to eat the way I do now. I hadn't weighed myself in the last two months, until two weeks ago when I needed to check the weight of one of my cats. You know the drill: hold the cat, step on the scale; put the cat down, get on the scale again. Subtract weight, etc.

I was dreading this, and only the love for my cat would convince me to step on that scale. I sucked it up, looked down, and I'd lost another 8 lbs.  I was shocked--we're not watching what we eat, we're actually eating a little more. I weighed myself three times to be sure, and it was consistent every time.

I pointed this out to Akalee that night, ecstatic, and he was unfazed. "Did you notice you'd been losing weight?" NO! I thought I'd been gaining for sure!

Anyways, that was the week I starting making bento for Akalee. Once he stopped eating those awful, sodium-crusted microwave lunches, he dropped a pant size almost immediately. I keep saying he's not bloated and retaining water anymore, but he doesn't believe that entirely. But his wedding ring, which was tight on him even 5 years ago when he was fresh from the Navy, actually slipped off his finger two days ago.

My latest weight--or inches, rather--triumph was looking for a pair of jeans a few days ago and accidentally putting on a pre-Beorn pair of jeans. A lot of you won't understand how great this is, so I'll summarize.

Pre-Razi days, I was so thin my husband could put his hands around my waist and touch his fingertips together; then, I lost 30 pounds in my first trimester. I stayed super-thin through pregnancy--even immediately after--then gained over 100 pounds in the first year following. Thankfully, I didn't gain so dramatically after Beorn, but I still went up 4 pant sizes. I went back down two pant sizes during Weight Watchers, so these jeans fitting (just almost--they were a little tight, which made me realize they were pre-Beorn jeans) means I've unintentionally lost another two (1.75?) pant sizes just by eating better-quality foods the last two months.

Imagine what I could do if I started portion control, or exercising! We're excited, and now so very especially determined to keep doing what we're doing.

My Final Point

Another unintended side effect is a super-sensitive sense of taste.

Three months or so ago, I had a conversation with one of my best friends about how stupid it was that people recommended eating things they called "subtle in flavor." It's just code for "totally bland!" I ranted.

Well, after three weeks of eating nothing but what I cooked myself, I tried a bite of snacks I'd bought for the kids.

EXPLOSION OF FLAVOR! SPICES! FAKE CHEESE! BURNING!

I couldn't handle even one complete piece, it was so overwhelming. I checked the bag: Quaker (as in the oatmeal brand) Sea Salt Rice Crackers. These are supposed to be subtle, quiet, bland. I couldn't take it!

That was the first big moment in taste-changes. Then I began to taste what I can only describe as subtle flavors appearing in formerly tasteless food items. When I'm wrong, I'm wrong...and boy was I wrong. There's a whole world of flavor that I couldn't have imagined.

Since then, it's become even more important to cook with quality ingredients. I was intellectually aware of taste differences in basic items before, but it's so obvious now.

For example, table salt is pretty tasteless. It's metallicy, and slightly bitter. I have three different kinds of sea salt now, and they're completely distinct. I have a general sea salt for baking and cooking, a Celtic Grey sea salt for sprinkling straight onto nicer foods, and a third that I honestly can't think of at the moment but can picture the jar it's in.

I was able to pinpoint what I don't like about olive oil in general--it was the biting acidity, the peppery flavor. I found that flavor prevalent in Italian oils, so I found a California olive oil to try. There must be something about that soil, because everything that comes out of there is smooth and buttery-tasting. I even put olive oil on our popcorn now...at least sometimes.

Butter! Butter is amazing! I don't even need it salted. Unsalted, sweet cream butter is so wonderful that Razi and I sneak slices while we're baking. The French butter dish I got for my birthday is the best thing ever, and everyone needs one so they don't have to put up with oily margarine anymore.

I stayed up far too late another night to make mayonnaise by hand. I'll have to play with it a lot, because a little mustard and lemon juice were far too much flavor! It's amazing, and I love it, but I'm wondering which of my four vinegars (not counting the regular, distilled vinegar I used to clean) might be better in the next batch.

Mustard--I have never in my life enjoyed mustard. It's all been yellowish goop. After looking into a few kinds, I found a dijon-style mustard that was supposed to work well in the mayonnaise and in the dressing I've been making for vegetable salads. I went with cracked mustard seeds instead of a paste, and it's wonderful. I'm starting to look for things I can put a little mustard on, which is huge for me.

I don't know that I can ever explain how incredible these differences are. When people tried to explain this to me, I scoffed. Scoffed. Sometimes in their faces. I know how to taste--everyone can!

Well no, now I know I didn't at all, but I think I'm finally learning how to.